Hi Pat,

It's late at night, and I really should be going to bed, but somehow I stumbled onto your website as I look for Christians who are also on the autism spectrum. My wife and I have 3 year old identical twin boys, both of whom are on the spectrum. Our younger one, Gabriel, was formally diagnosed today by our medical provider, and his brother Nathan will have his evaluation next Thursday by the same the panel.

We first received a medical assessment back 19+ months ago when they were only 18 1/2 months old. We chose not to get the medical evaluation for fear of it being a stain on their medical record. The assessment did recommend early intervention for them (here in Silicon Valley), so we went ahead and start reaping the benefits of the free resources until the age of 3 when we had to start paying out of pocket.

Both boys have made a lot of progress, but Gabriel was formally diagnosed with being moderately autistic on the path to being high-functioning. His biggest deficits are in the areas of functional social language, verbal and non-verbal social communication, and social reciprocity. His cognitive levels are solid, and he has a good vocabulary, but in social forums, he's clearly behind. His brother is a little better, but we fully expect him to receive a comparable diagnosis as well. We decided to go for the diagnosis now only because we simply can't afford the $5000/month out-of-pocket expenses required for our boys' therapy. We have a long way to go in getting the services required for our kids through our medical provider, but there is precedence, so we're banking on that.

I read your "Welcome to My World" entry, and I have the greatest sympathy for you and your family. We are going to be going through something similar in the coming years, though we're thankful we got the boys started early on their therapy. However, I read a line in the entry, "The first time I met with one of our pastors, he told me that God may be giving me this experience so that later I would be able to bring comfort to others who were going through the same thing." and I was stunned.

I've been hearing similar things from people on pastoral staffs, friends who are pastors, mature and godly believers, and I have to say, I can't help but passionately disagree with that comment. Not so much that this experience will allow you to help other people, but that your pastor stated, "God may be giving [you] this experience..."

Nothing could be further from the truth. That theological stance drives me absolutely insane...that's saying that God is the source of your son's Asperger and subsequent struggles. That then implies that God can dish out bad things to people. If that really is who God is...why should I spend my time studying about Him, sharing with people about my core beliefs, attend worship services, etc.? Why would I worship and follow a God who, based on your pastor's comment (and a lot of people's comments), is the source of pain?

I broached this subject with some of my mentors, my church's lead pastor included, and I was thankful that they didn't have a cliched, perfectly-shaped Christian answer for me. Nobody knows why our children have been afflicted with something this painful. Nobody knows why as parents, we have to suffer the indignity of having to make adjustment after adjustment (both in public and in private) to just get our children settled. I still don't know why both of my little boys are on the spectrum. I don't know how this will affect our future...my wife and I both felt called to some form of vocational ministry, but now we're clueless about how all this fits.

But I AM understanding one undying fact that one of my mentors made clear to me the other day. It is, perhaps, a more theologically and semantically correct way of restating when your pastor and my friends had been saying:

God WILL NOT waste our experiences. He WILL NOT let our pain and our suffering go to waste.

How that will manifest itself, I don't know. Perhaps it IS a ministry of sympathy and empathy to reach other families with special needs. I've stopped trying to figure it out simply because this no longer fits into the neat little box, and my brain isn't big enough to fully analyze things. I also do know that death and disease were never part of God's original plan.

I'm still learning about my children's disorders, and I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful because I have more than just the natural world (therapy) to fall back on...there's a supernatural component for me take advantage of. I'm grateful for a wife who also refuses to give up on our kids. We've got a long road ahead, but I'm learning again how to be grateful for a God who also refuses to give up on my two boys.