As a mother of a child diagnosed with Asperger's at 2, two years later questions still go unanswered. After recieving a diagnoses, where to go from there fell completely on us. As if the doctors said "Your son has Aspergers" and we heard "Your son will live a hard life" and then we heard "Your bill is 50.00, thank you for stopping in". There was nothing in between there. I fell apart on the way back to work and heard my little 2 year old's voice say "Why are you crying"? I am sure at that moment is when I realized how challenging this road would be.

Axton has always been "quirky". Lining things up, an extreme love for trains and balls. He can memorize anything he hears or sees. His love for sports goes above the "norm" for kids his age. He has no fear of things that would normally scream Danger to others. He has no idea that his clothes are on backwards and could care less. He is very routined and scheduled. He expects the same things to happen just like clock work. He holds you to your word and doesn't like change. He is very black and white. There is no grey. When his teachers told him not to talk to strangers, he took her for that. He screamed out in Wal-Mart when someone said hello, "STRANGER, I CAN'T TALK TO STRANGERS". He is extremly smart and acts as a little grown up most of the time.

I knew from early on his screaming fits and loud screaming wasn't typical behavior for children his age. He didn't deal well with the everyday life at daycare. When he got old enough to walk and talk he seemed to be in trouble for hitting or hurting other children in class. When I moved him to a smaller Mother's Day out program and also was his teacher, the challanges followed us there. He ran out of the classroom, hit other children, refused to take a nap or stay on his bed, and I went home in tears most days. When I fianlly convinced our PCP that I just thought we needed to see someone for his behavior, I was excited. When I left the appointment it took months to get, my heart was broken and I wanted to go back to my life of being in denial.

For a few days time stood still. After the shock wore off and I stopped blaming myself, life went on. I live by, God does not make mistakes and Axton is my gift. Most days I feel as though he was placed on this earth to teach me. He now attends an intergrated school here in Little Rock. He has been recieving Occupational Therapy since right after his diagnoses. I worry about starting school next year, but I have to talk myself down from the fear. He has made tremendous progress in the almost 2 years since being diagnosed. The fits seem to be fewer each week. He doesn't leave his classroom as much when he is upset or overwhelmed. He is learning about his "Good and bad choices". His school, teacher's and therapist have been my life line. Without them, I am afraid of where we would be. Even in the moments, I feel sorry for myself or for Axton, I see God in his little face and remember it's not about me. I tell Axton on a daily basis how God made him special. He is not aware that he may be different from his peers yet and as selfish as it may seem, I pray that God helps him to never know there is one. He has a long road ahead of him, but I know he is up for the challange. I hope that in the future there will be more answers for parents like me. That they won't have to use guess work to understand the medical terms and to understand where to turn to. Life won't always be easy, but it will be well worth it, because I have the greatest son I could have ever prayed for right beside me!