Our diagnosis story is similar to most of the ones I've read here... I'm the mother of Ryan, almost 6 and autistic, Richie, almost 3 and Maelynn, 15 months. Ryan does not communicate well, does not express needs or illness unless it's very general, and then we're not sure if it's echolaia from a speech program (at times he'll repeat "I feel sick" robotically). He is at a social/emotional 2 1/2 year old level. He is amazing... very smart, musically inclined, and is the sweetest little guy you could ask for.

My other two children are developmentally typical, and they adore their brother! I've even seen my Richie, on several occasions, try hard to stim just like Ryan, watching him from the corner of his eye. Richie does not care that Ryan is different. He loves his brother with sheer, unadultered, unbridled adoration that only a child can express. Our life is tiring and often difficult, and even going to church is a challenge. We feel isolated in a lot of ways, just by the nature of what we deal with. We live in a small town in central Texas and it's a sweet little place to be! It really is! But the resources for Autism and any other special need are few and far between.

I know what it's like to desperately want to know your child... to want to do the best you can for him, but be in between a rock and a hard place. We love on a teacher's salary, and God always provides what we need... but so often when I do get the rare opportunity to speak to someone who also has a child on the spectrum, they spout off resources and things we "simply must" do for our child... things we haven't been afforded. The best thing we hear? Seriously? "I have no idea what you're going through, but I'll listen and I'll pray." The "I know a child who does so and so" and "why don't you just do so and so" and other well-meant comments, in addition to being so tired of being told "oh, Ryan can't do..." or "Ryan can't come in..." well, you see. They have worn on my already weary heart to the point where I just want to be home, where we all belong and we're all safe and accepted. Where we all know we're doing the best we can to provide what all of us need. I love church... I love Jesus more, though.

I will carry my children, all of them, regardless of ability level, regardless of how they fit into culture or how well they sit still and listen to instructions... I will continue to carry them to Jesus, because He knows and loves all of us! God made our children, He knows them better than we do. I don't know where Ryan hurts, but He does. Ryan can't tell me or anyone else his name, but whether or not I understand how he does it, I believe that the Holy spirit speaks for him, just as He does for me when I'm at the end of my rope. When I'm hurt, sad, and scared... when I've overheard one more person make a comment... when we're left out of yet another something... He feels my pain, and He helps me recover and start over again. His Word soothes the stings of insensitivity and ignorance of others, and He gives me patience to explain, yet again... or keeps my mouth shut so that I don't make things worse. He gives me the smile on my face and the song in my heart. He restores my soul! He gives me the peace of mind and the joy I need to make it not only through another day, but the next hour, or minute at a time on the hard days. He gives me the wisdom through His word to make some sense and to remember that He is in control of it all, even the things that don't make sense. Thank you for this site, thank you to everyone who shares. This is one of the very few times I've felt understood, and that is precious.

More of our story is at thischristianmomsjourney.blogspot.com, simply because God gives my every experience that it might comfort someone else!

It's going to be alright, everyone! Cling to Him!

First, I have to say that reading your "Welcome to My World" brought tears to my eyes. It could be our story. My son, Sean, just recently turned 5, but we've known for 4 years that he was at least 'different'. By 15 months, he still wasn't saying ANY words, and didn't seem to have an interest in the world around him like his brother did. At that time, he was diagnosed developmentally delayed. By 20 months we had him in speech, and at his 2nd birthday it seemed that a light switch came on and the child was speaking in intricate sentences. Still, while the most affectionate, cuddly child i'd ever known, he also had the most severe behavior issues I'd ever witnessed. It took another year, and a dramatic turn for the worse for me to have someone agree it was more than just toddler behavior. At 3 yrs 6 months my son was diagnosed PDD-NOS and ADHD. We had him assessed for OT and it made a HUGE difference in him. We also discovered a milk allergy, and quickly made changes to his diet which seemed to alter his behavior over night. We also learned that he processes things differently. I can't say "get dressed." It has to be a 'when, then" statement. When you get dressed, you can go play.

We start kindergarten next week, and we are both a little apprehensive. I created him a new school book complete with pictures of all the rooms, and staff to prepare him. His brother will also be in the same building, but he's nervous. They had a pre-k camp for a week in June and he only lasted 2.5 days. He had horrible behaviors, attacked the teachers, and the last day had a complete meltdown. They had read a story and completed an activity on turtles (which he loved.) On the playground, he found one. He wanted to put it in a box to show mommy and they wouldn't allow him to, and he didn't understand. When i came to pick him up, he had no idea he was in trouble, only excited that he'd found a turtle. When i explained why i was there, he was so upset "saying I'm a stupid head." Broke my heart. Later when i could discuss his behavior he said the school was 'scary' and that he had no friends and no one would like him. He has so many fears and desperately wants to be liked and involved. His social skills are not usually accepted though.

Sean has always been on the go....he was 4 before he ever slept through the night because he couldn't settle down long enough to really sleep. He has a real need to be jumping, running, crashing, etc. Often people just don't understand it because he seems so 'normal' and he gets treated poorly for being a 'brat.' Since he was a year old, his one true fascination in life is bugs. He is constantly collecting them and 'amylizing' them as he says LOL. He can get a book now and identify his finds and tell you a great many details about them. His life in general is very scientific in nature--he is naturally inclined to think that way. Perhaps its because science tends to be fairly black/white, and he, as many spectrum kids, lives in a literal world. We went to the mountains and my car was slowly climbing a steep one. I said, "come on car, quit crawling up the mountain." He responds, "cars don't crawl mom....they have wheels and roll." LOL He is the light of my life and tells me daily that i am his best friend and he will love me forever. He gives great hugs and tells great stories, but it's his insight that astounds me. One week when he was about 4, I had been secretly having a 'why me' week. We were in the car (where the best conversations always happen) and he says "Mom, God uses me." "What, how's that?" I replied. "He uses me to give you eyes so that you can see." WOW!!! He does indeed. I am blessed to be his mother, and am not sure I deserve the honor, but I am truly seeing life in a different way.

AUTISM….. What causes this to inflict triplets?

My beautiful boys were born February 17th, 1995 in Anchorage, Alaska.
Over the last 16 years, my life has not been fun, but it has been funny at times.
Trakkor, Tanner and Harley Hogan were diagnosed with Autism at the age of 4 by Dr.Brennan, an autism specialist. When given the news, I asked “What do we do?” He replied, “There is no cure, and no known cause.” My heart was broken. Being a mother of 4 daughters, who were bright beyond their years, I was at first mortified. “Now what!” I enrolled the boys in a school for kids with special needs at the age of 4 ½. They’ve been in schools throughout Anchorage for 12 years.
Many years ago, there were very few cases of autism in Alaska, and no facilities to speak of.

I was a single mother of Autistic triplets, a daughter in kindergarten, and their half-sisters Jamie, 16, Brittney, 14, and Nicole, 12. I can tell you, life was far from boring!
I slept on the floor in front of the bedroom door of my sons' room to keep them from coming out in the middle of the night and wreaking havoc. They never slept. They would throw toys at me, sometimes metal cars that would leave bruises and once even a black eye. I had to tape their diapers on, because they would tear them off and smear their poop everywhere! My day consisted of getting them ready and off to school, along with the other children, and then cleaning their room, toys, walls, shampooing carpets and sanitizing everything. I finally had the carpet in their room removed and linoleum floors put in so it would be easier to clean and more hygienic.

Now, on the lighter side, they were happy and very loving to their sisters and me. There were lots of hugs and kisses, eye contact, and the need to be held, loved and played with. This behavior was not consistent with typical autism. They also had an eating disorder called PICA. They would eat batteries, glass, metal, plastic, wood and other non-food items. They would rip everything apart and try to eat it, including their mattresses.
Most everything had to be removed from their room. No curtains, pictures, hangers, and absolutely nothing that could cause harm. I once put a wicker basket in their room for their laundry and by morning, it had been reduced to a pile of tiny twigs. Lesson learned. As far as their eating habits, they would only eat brown, room temperature foods such as toast, chicken nuggets, fries, steak, pork chops, etc. They would not eat fruits or vegetables so I would make them protein shakes to ensure they got their vitamins. After finally getting them potty trained at the age of 6, they were beginning to try new foods. That was a plus. No more diapers and better food choices.  In the meantime, we went through chickenpox, a broken femur, one ear infection and a couple of colds. Not bad, considering there are 3 of them!

On a more amusing note, once they got into a gallon of pink paint in the garage, which I was going to use to paint my youngest daughters room, and finger-painted my red van pink, half way up and all the way around! Nice! Then another time, Trakkor got into a bottle of black Rit dye that was in the laundry room. He dyed all of the clothes in there, as well as himself. It took 2 weeks for it to wear off his body and face. So for 2 weeks I had 2 little white sons and one black son. Everyone thought it was hilarious, especially my black friends. I actually thought it was funny too! Not so much about my van being pink though!

During Christmas, I had to keep the tree in a play pen, so they could not get to it. One year I set it up by the window, thinking all was well, when I noticed that the lights were not working. I then discovered that they had eaten the bulbs, plugged in mind you; all the way up as far as their little 6 year old bodies could reach. Amazing enough, there were no cuts in their mouths and they never got sick when they practiced this unusual eating habit.

Going back to the beginning, Harley was the first born weighing in at 2lbs, 15 oz. He was in the hospital for the first 6 weeks, coming home at 4lbs. Today, he is 180lbs and 5’8”. Yes, he’s a big boy! Tanner was born second, weighing 3lbs, 12oz, and spent 4 weeks in newborn ICU. Today he is 140lbs, and stands taller and thinner than his brothers. Trakkor, being born last, weighed 3lbs, 15oz and only spent 2 weeks in Newborn ICU. He is now 190lbs and 5’10”. Big difference!

Eventually, I found and agency who was willing to work with me and the boys, called The Arc of Anchorage. Care providers were few and far between, but Harley had a great guy working with him, and in that time he thrived. Other than that, it seemed we just floundered around; hoping providers would stick around long enough to make a difference. Then our case manager at The Arc informed us of a program in Mt.Dora, Florida at the National Deaf Academy. After some research, it seemed like a dream come true! The facility sounded wonderful, with promises of swimming pools, dog therapy, horseback riding, nutritional needs and many other things I felt the boys would benefit from. After 8 months of pleading my case, the state of Alaska agreed to send the boys to NDA for treatment. My heart was happy, knowing that they would receive the care and treatment they needed, but I was also very sad that they would be 5,000 miles away and I wouldn’t be able to be close to them every day.

As it turned out, Harley cried to come home every day, so after 9 months at NDA, I brought him home. They had nothing to offer him, and the program wasn’t what they promised. It was basically just another institution. There were a few good things, but no dog therapy, no horseback riding and no nutritional therapy either. I finally got Tanner home just short of 2 years of him being there. I wanted to bring him home sooner but they refused a medical discharge.
Trakkor still resides at NDA. They will not discharge him without medical transport, since he is a flight risk, which neither the state of Alaska or the NDA will pay for.
I was told by NDA that Trakkor would be brought out into the community, but that did not happen. I could bore you with details but I need to make this as brief as possible. Basically, I was deceived by NDA. My boys have suffered through inappropriate care while there. Trakkor broke his arm, and had other medical problems that I am now financially responsible for. Tanner, while there, escaped from the facility gates 3 times. NDA is located right next to a major interstate 8 lane highway where he could have been killed, as he does not fully comprehend the dangers of open roads. Please understand that there are some amazing people who work there, but there are also some who are not so great. My daughter Brittney and I witnessed a staff member cursing at a young autistic boy. He was unaware we could hear him or see him. I realized that Tanner may have been treated like this while he was there as well, for after bringing him home, he would stomp around the house cursing and saying things that are not said in my home. It was very discouraging, the say the least. It affected him to the point where he is no longer in my care. He attacked a security guard and a teacher at his school, and was placed in the Alaska Psychiatric Institute (API).

I am so concerned for my boys. They need professional help, but there is nothing in the state of Alaska for them. We parents of special needs children, have only the choice to send them out of state for treatment. We cannot monitor their treatment because we are not there to see what’s happening day to day. I will not let my boys fall through the cracks, and that is what is happening. My sons are being charged with assault and they don’t even know what that means! We need a facility in Anchorage that can accommodate our children’s needs, where we can see them regularly, monitor their care and progress, and be a part of their learning and treatment. Our children should not be sent away to some other state, where we cannot be a part of their everyday lives. How good can that be? Autism is not a fatal disease! It is a disability that can be maintained with love, support and understanding.

My children will end up in an institution, somewhere out of Alaska, where their mother, father, sisters, brothers, aunts and uncles will never be able to have full contact with them. They will forget us, but we will never forget them. I will fight every day of my life to ensure that one day Alaska will have a full service facility to care for our children who cannot care for themselves. Please hear me, and hear the voices of our children. They don’t want to be sent away, to never see their parents or families. We need to be a part of their lives every day.

Alaska is supposedly one of the richest states in the nation, and yet we have no facility for our disabled children, yet it costs the state millions of dollars to send them out of state for treatment, when we could have one here, in Alaska.
I have not seen my Trakkor in 6 months. He is stuck in beautiful Florida. But how beautiful is paradise without someone who truly loves you, and cares about what is happening to you?
Can’t anyone hear us? We are hurting, and our children are becoming more disabled than what they were. There are opportunities for our children. Let’s give that opportunity to them. They deserve a chance.
Written by a mother who wonders why…..

Our diagnosis story is similar to most of the ones I've read here... I'm the mother of Ryan, almost 6 and autistic, Richie, almost 3 and Maelynn, 15 months. Ryan does not communicate well, does not express needs or illness unless it's very general, and then we're not sure if it's echolaia from a speech program (at times he'll repeat "I feel sick" robotically). He is at a social/emotional 2 1/2 year old level. He is amazing... very smart, musically inclined, and is the sweetest little guy you could ask for.

My other two children are developmentally typical, and they adore their brother! I've even seen my Richie, on several occasions, try hard to stim just like Ryan, watching him from the corner of his eye. Richie does not care that Ryan is different. He loves his brother with sheer, unadultered, unbridled adoration that only a child can express. Our life is tiring and often difficult, and even going to church is a challenge. We feel isolated in a lot of ways, just by the nature of what we deal with. We live in a small town in central Texas and it's a sweet little place to be! It really is! But the resources for Autism and any other special need are few and far between. I know what it's like to desperately want to know your child... to want to do the best you can for him, but be in between a rock and a hard place.

We live on a teacher's salary, and God always provides what we need... but so often when I do get the rare opportunity to speak to someone who also has a child on the spectrum, they spout off resources and things we "simply must" do for our child... things we haven't been afforded. The best thing we hear? Seriously? "I have no idea what you're going through, but I'll listen and I'll pray." The "I know a child who does so and so" and "why don't you just do so and so" and other well-meant comments, in addition to being so tired of being told "oh, Ryan can't do..." or "Ryan can't come in..." well, you see. They have worn on my already weary heart to the point where I just want to be home, where we all belong and we're all safe and accepted. Where we all know we're doing the best we can to provide what all of us need.

I love church... I love Jesus more, though. I will carry my children, all of them, regardless of ability level, regardless of how they fit into culture or how well they sit still and listen to instructions... I will continue to carry them to Jesus, because He knows and loves all of us! God made our children, He knows them better than we do. I don't know where Ryan hurts, but He does. Ryan can't tell me or anyone else his name, but whether or not I understand how he does it, I believe that the Holy spirit speaks for him, just as He does for me when I'm at the end of my rope. When I'm hurt, sad, and scared... when I've overheard one more person make a comment... when we're left out of yet another something... He feels my pain, and He helps me recover and start over again. His Word soothes the stings of insensitivity and ignorance of others, and He gives me patience to explain, yet again... or keeps my mouth shut so that I don't make things worse. He gives me the smile on my face and the song in my heart. He restores my soul! He gives me the peace of mind and the joy I need to make it not only through another day, but the next hour, or minute at a time on the hard days. He gives me the wisdom through His word to make some sense and to remember that He is in control of it all, even the things that don't make sense. Thank you for this site, thank you to everyone who shares. This is one of the very few times I've felt understood, and that is precious.

More of our story is at thischristianmomsjourney.blogspot.com, simply because God gives my every experience that it might comfort someone else!

My name is Thomas John Bopp and I am an 18 year old boy who has just graduated from High School. I have Aspergers Autism. And this, this is my story...

I was born on July 14, 1992 at 7:17pm in Mineloa, New York. I weighted in at 1 pound, 9 ounces, 12 inches long. Doctors tole me I only had 24 hours to live. But my mother and my father both prayed that I made it through the night. The next day, my mother and father were told that because of my physical condition, I had to stay in the hospital until I gained some weight. So I stayed in the hospital for 3 months, with my mother staying right by my side in the hospital until the day I lefted the hospital in her arms.

I could not talk until I was 3 or 4 years old. I was also deaf in my ears until I was six because of fliuds in my ears that was blocking my ear drums. The first thing I ever heard was an airplane. I turned to my father who was with me waiting for the School Bus with me and I said," What is that sound?" My father said, "That is an airplane, Tommy."

At the beginning of the 2006 School Year, I started my frist year of High School. For these next 4 years I would have challenges up ahead for me. I was diagonsed with autism at age of 16. Finally, On the 26th of June of 2010, the day where all the doctors said I would never get the chance to do, I walked the graduation line and I got my High School Diploma. I am now 18 years old and I am attending college for Computerized Accounting.

"People have to face death and fear in the face to become stronger"
-Thomas J. Bopp
William Floyd High School
Graduation Speech
26 JULY 2010

My 4 1/2 year old autistic son was finally pee pee trained about 6 months ago. However, he absolutely refuses to go poo poo on the potty. I have read that this is a common problem, but have not come across very much info as to how to move forward in this area. It is obvious to me that he is afraid to go on the potty. I have tried anything & everything I know how to move him past this fear, to no avail. He is very much aware of when he needs to go, and will even ask me for a diaper when he gets the urge. But sitting him on the toilet becomes a battle of the wills, which is a no win situation. Any suggestions?

Gwen’s life puzzle…some pieces are missing.
As a parent, at first we try to deny or hide to ourselves that everything was fine with our first born child Gwen. Even some of our friends tried to cheer us up by saying it is normal for some children are delay. Some says he was a late bloomer; it was too early to worry. But yet some where in the back of my mind we had some doubts. Gwen seems to be different than the other kids around. He had some unusual attributes. He repeatedly screams so loud, he refused to have a hair cut or even to see the glimpse of a barber shop. He doesn’t have eye contact. At his two years, he was still not talking. He had not said even one or two words. Every time I gave him a bedtime story he doesn’t even listen. I thought he was a deaf. He was continually not talking and his behavior became increasingly strange. He would run in circle, he didn’t seem to know what exactly to do with his toys. He is not even engaged in playing with other kids. On a several occasion, He was even hurt himself intentionally. Of all strange, unexplainable symptoms we were most alarmed by his increasing isolation. He was unresponsive, he is no longer seems to notice when another person was in the room. In some situation our neighbor saw Gwen walking alone in the middle of the road. He is not aware of the great danger that is ahead of him. He didn’t notice or mind when he banged his head. It seems he didn’t feel any pain at all. Those strange things and signs that can’t deny that something was wrong and I knew Gwen was facing a serious problem. Then my wife got a suggestion from her client at work who happens to be a pediatrician doctor. She said we should send our son to a developmental doctor for us to know his condition. We went to see a Developmental Pediatrician in Polymedic Hospital in Mandaluyong to check him up and we shared out our concern with the doctor. Gwen was about 2 ½ years old then. And that was the time I heard the word Asperger Spectrum Disorder or much well known as Autism. Base on the explanation of a doctor, Autism is a psychiatric disorder of childhood characterized by marked deficits in communication and social interaction, preoccupation with fantasy, language impairment, and abnormal behavior, such as repetitive acts and excessive attachment to certain objects. It is usually associated with intellectual impairment. And Gwen possesses all this symptoms. He was diagnosed with mild Autism. And according to the doctor, autistic might tend to be deaf. But in my son’s case, she assured to us that there is nothing wrong with Gwen’s hearing. After hearing that, it really made my heart sank on a deep sadness and depression. It was so hard, hard to deal with the news that my son may never be normal and there was no cure for his illness. It is a fate that I must accept. I lost my appetite for a week and unable to sleep. I could not think of nothing but only fear that our son might get lost to us forever. Then I woke up one beautiful morning and decided not just to sit down and let those fears eat my soul, I have to move before my son will totally take away by his illness. We keep on searching for other clues to help us deal with his condition. We were so obsessed finding out information that may help him. Internet helps a lot, and I found out the good news that there are now a wide variety of treatment options which can be very helpful. We were grateful to those parents creating sites which our family relates in their stories and hopes. I found also tons of information on how we should deal autism in some inexpensive way like by avoiding foods/snacks that may trigger his aggression. Some treatment may lead to great improvement and others have little or no effect. He had begun attending occupational therapy. The development was great. His tantrums lessen, his hitting and banging of his head suddenly is gone. It was so visible even our neighbors have noticed it. It was great for the first three months and therapy eventually had been stopped. Because we forgot that we are also suffering on another nightmare…which is poverty. We don’t have enough resources to provide Gwen’s need. I’m just a shoe salesman in the Philippines with minimum wages and my wife is a plain housewife. She had to give up her job as a Sales Lady after she knew her son’s condition. Because we both know Gwen needs full attention, care and guidance. No one could understand him as much as he understands by his own mother. Then I decided to leave Gwen and his mom for a while and found a job at Saudi Arabia. I thought I could give him a better assistance but it gets more complicated. For Gwen’s needs are getting higher and higher as we expected. According to his Occupational therapist who had seen him for months, Gwen needs Speech and ABA therapy along with the OT. And at the same time, he needs to go in a day care center or special pre-school in able for him to develop his social and cognitive skills. And my earnings were not enough to support all these Early Intervention therapies that are critical to the development of my son. Then we try to search other therapy center that offers a low cost fee. Again, Gwen was enrolled in a therapy center in Pasig City where he took a 2x a week/1 hour session of Advance Behavioral Analysis therapy. We pay Php 400.00 per hour of session. It only lasted for three months. His ABA and OT was on and off. Hardship, fear and anxiety are manifesting on our family. It comes to my mind to give up…give up my son’s life to grip by the hands of autism. The situation became worse and it’s getting harder as our child gets older. My mind and soul filled with bitterness and desperation. His behavior begun to regress, he had begun again to manifest bad behaviors like hitting himself, his mother and people around him. He was always on outburst anger. He banged his head on the floor. He slammed the door whenever he was frustrated. His behavior became unmanageable. I couldn’t bear to see my son being a prisoner of that strange and unexplainable illness.
Even he is no longer attending his therapy session. My wife was giving him intervention she had learned from the internet. But still, her knowledge is not enough to address our son’s needs. My wife familiarized him to things usually seen around by using visual pictures she had cut out from a magazine. She bought ABC books were used to teach him to read. And we were so amazed how Gwen has responded. He is a fast learner. His cognitive skills were extremely amazing. My wife starts to teach him how to write letters and eventually he had learned to write his own name. His hand motor skill begun to improved. And he starts to draw character from his favorite cartoons in Disney. And Gwen really likes computer. We were shocked when we knew Gwen can browse on the internet, and other hundred amazing thing he can. Then we decided to get him enroll in a special school. But after my wife have inquired in different school, our hopes begun to lose. Then one of my wife’s friend was introduced us in a public school in their city. Gwen was admitted in that school for school year 2009-2010. And because of that we transferred our residency from Mandaluyong City to Antipolo City where his school was located. We were so excited for the school to starts, when we found out that the set up has a huge different from a private school. Gwen goes to school only 2x a week. And in one classroom, 1 is to 5 scales. And every child gets only 20 minutes of intervention. Again, we start to worry. Because among the kids around only my son who has a mild autism. The teachers were also amazed with the things he is capable with. And according to them, Gwen can improve his skills and behaviors if he could be on a one on one set-up of intervention. Gwen participates well in class. In fact, he has more advantage than to all his classmates. He can read, write, draw and has a little comprehension in every command given to him by his teacher. But the problem was Gwen can not concentrate during his task because others kids were screaming, roaming and even crying. I was so depressed, thinking if only I could afford to send him in a private sped school. In able for him to get a proper intervention where his needs can be addressed. But with no choice, I have to face reality of what the real situation of public sped school we have.
My wife decided to go back to work again, a very hard decision we’ve made. She has to work in able to support Gwen’s therapy. Because of that we have to move back again to Mandaluyong for her new work located in the city. We pulled out Gwen in that school and transferred him to another sped school in Mandaluyong City. But we were surprised with set-up of his new school. They were seven special kids and only one teacher, and they are not a registered teacher. They are volunteer parents. And one thing really breaks my heart was they have no classroom. They were only had their classes on the stairs near the school gate. Which is for me is not comfortable, not advisable and very not safe for them. I and my wife agreed to pull him out in that school.
Now Gwen only stays at home with his Grandma. He is now 7 years old. And he misses going to school. He had also stopped from his Occupational Therapy. Every time I see Gwen. In my heart I knew we are blessed. I am not that poor after all because I have a bright and clever boy. Gwen is almost non verbal but his message was clearly seen. He is my inspiration and he makes me stronger. He gives me wider views on life, a wider goal to set and to face the challenges. The goal is not to make him normal. The goal is to unleash his special gift. Not simply taking damaged kid and make them whole but connect them with their special gifts, enable them to succeed in their special ways. Gwen is an amazing kid. The have a rare photographic memory, He has a pure heart, loving and a very warm child. All the gifts and potentials that he possesses that every parent wishes for. But we still facing hindrances on his recovery. He is no access to Speech, Occupational and Behavioral Therapy. Public Sped School had a limited service for children like him. And only private sped school can only give better education and living with kids like this. But it would be so expensive and we probably can not afford it. I’m not a doctor I’m just a father who love his child so much….a father who seek help for his son’s complete recovery. With your help and love, my son someday will be a freeman from being a prisoner of Autism.
We are appealing to you; we need help support for Gwen. We believed if Gwen could only get proper therapy intervention and proper education, he can be mainstreamed and can overcome Autism. And when he gets older he can be a great asset of this country. Many Autistic children had overcome autism, because their family is fortunate because they can get a proper intervention that they can provide. Some of them are working in a huge and reputable firm in this country. But what about us...what future lies to the children like Gwen. We also wanted better future for our precious son. He is our only child. And we can’t give him a brother or sister so he may have a companion as he grow, but we’re afraid so that we might loose the little support we can give to him, what more if we have other siblings. Gwen needs your help. Your generous heart can make our dream come to reality
Poverty + Autism are a perfect possession of a child to a miserable life. Gwen needs a miracle. It is more miracle of the heart than a miracle of science, a healing miracle of love and faith.
We see a perfect picture on Gwen’s road of recovery but some pieces are still missing.
PLEASE HELP US TO COMPLETE GWEN’s LIFE PUZZLE by giving assistance on his Therapy and Special Education. Whatever help you may offer will make a big contribution in developing and molding him as a human being.


Yours truly,
Mr. Celso Delos Santos Rase
Father of Autistic Child.
Celso_rase@yahoo.com

A Mother's Thoughts at a Kindergarten Christmas Play

She is so excited! Her first Kindergarten play, the Christmas play. I've heard about it for weeks now and heard her singing the songs as she plays. Now maybe she's the one who should be nervous, so why do I feel sick? I anxiously await her to take the stage and quietly say a prayer. I don't want her to freeze up. If she does she will be so disappointed. I want everyone else to see the beautiful person I know. Will it ever be time, no disrepect but move it along chorus. I want to see my girl. O'kay, here they come. HOw does she look? Is she o'kay? What is her body language saying to me, her hands? She seems o'kay. Thank goodness! Everyone's on stage, time to begin. What? Is that a smile? Are her lips moving? They are! I think words are coming out;she's singing! She's really doing it! My heart melts and emotions flood my soul. Song over. Shew! Made it through one, looking good. Second song begins. Still happy, still singing. As the songs come and go she seems a little distracted and will stop singing briefly then back on track. Halfway through now and she is squirmming but good. To the unknowing person it seems nothing, but I know she is trying not to flap her hands and it's hard. She's happy, she's overwhelmed. She keeps it together all the way through. Many times my eyes well with tears, my face with smiles and my mind with memories. Not too long ago this would've never happened. So many programs like these at church and preschool have been heartbreaking to watch and sometimes impossible to participate in. I am so proud! What's more is she is so proud! You may say it's just a kindergarten play, what's the big deal? Who's not proud of their kid? Who doesn't want them to do well? I guess everyone does. It is just so different for me, for us. It's a miracle whether you take it for one or not. I know where we've come from. My daughter is autistic. I'm sure you had no idea. Most people don't, but she is. Because of that many special memories like this haven't been a reality. I look at her tonight and think we made it! She made it! We survived but better yet she was awesome! I couldn't be prouder if she had just won president, which she just might so someday if the scientist thing doesn't work out. There are so many things when you look at her you can't see but tonight she let you see a glimpse of her. Not autism, her, because autism is just a small part of who she is. And she is Amazing!

Written after Christmas play 2009 about my daughter, Lilli who is a proud Aspie.