How to cope with a learning disabled child and God’s help….

My son, Tryastan was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, which is a high functioning form of autism, this year. He has just turned six. For all these years, prior to his diagnosis, I had battled with several aspects of his life which many doctors diagnosed incorrectly. I have three older children and they were normal in every way so having your fourth child diagnosed with a disability is quite a shock to the system.

Tryastan presented with several problems. He never sleeps through the night. He can quite easily survive on 2 – 3 hours sleep a night. He has the amazing ability to copy accents and has the American accent down to a tee, his Australian accent is also quite good. Tryastan at the age of 5 had an encyclopedic knowledge of dinosaurs. I was told by all his pre-school teachers that he was very intelligent yet there was always something missing. He would not easily play with other children and he battled to learn lessons no matter how I taught him and how often I told him right from wrong. He would easily walk in front of a moving car without the fear of being knocked down. The sound of a flushing toilet would sent him into a state of shock, he was adamant the noise was too loud.

Eventually out of pure desperation and my wanting to do the best I could for him I took him to an amazing Education Psychologist who diagnosed him with Aspergers, although I had previously being told by one of the pediatricians that I had gone to that he was autistic, I went into immediate denial.

How do you feel when you are told that you have a child with a medical condition that requires him to go to a “special school” and that your whole way of dealing with him has to change? I can tell you that it feels like a jumbo jet has landed on your body and has crushed the life out of you.. That is when you have to realize the following 4 things :

1. God blessed you with this child.

Every child is a blessing from God. He knows us and our every move and word from the time we are conceived in the womb. He knew that Tryastan had a disability. Children are given to us to look after and nuture and help grow. We are obliged to do our best for them and to train them in God’s ways and truth. The fact that God knew Tryastan in the womb and knitted him together with his disability amazed me. He made Tryastan unique, He made him! He knew that I would be his mother, not someone else – me! What an honour to believe that God felt me deserving of a disabled child, He knows that I have the qualities to look after him, I just had to believe that myself.

2. Don’t ever question God’s methods and reasons.

I have never asked God why. What makes me so unique that I should not get a learning disabled child? Does that mean that my neighbor or friend is more deserving? No, I am. God’s children with disabilities and hindrances in their lives are special to Him. They are given to those who He knows will be able to cope with them. I firmly believe that when we meet Him, we will be questioned on how we managed with the gifts He gave us. It does not have to be a disabled child, we are all given gifts and it is our responsibility to use them to our best ability and to His purposes. Realise that you are blessed richly to receive this gift. It is not a curse. Non-Christian people have said “shame” and “how did that happen?” to me. It is not a shame and what does it matter how it happened, it is God’s purpose for me and Tryastan so why question Him? Is He not that much more wiser than us?

3. It is hard work.

Let me tell you that raising a disabled child is hard work. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t feel like giving up, but God is always there to give me strength and to pick me up when I am down. I sometimes go to bed utterly exhausted and feel like I could have done better, but I am a child of God and He alone gives me the strength to cope and I feel that as long as I have done things in line with His word and with His help and guidance, who am I to question. None of us is perfect, we are all human and have to plod though trials and tribulations that come our way in the best way we can. When I feel that I am an utter failure, God gently reminds me that He still loves me and that I must rely on Him to get me through the daily trials I face.

4. Be grateful for daily blessings.

Each and every day is special. Tryastan is a special child and there is something every day that he has either learnt or has done that have amazed me. We need to look at the positives in our lives and focus on them instead of the negatives. Everything Tryastan learns is an achievement to me, and I again thank God for these daily little miracles in his life.

I just want to encourage those out there who have children with disabilities, God is the answer to your frustration. He wants you to do the best for your child and has already given you the tools necessary to do this. A disabled child is not born with a manual on how to cope with them. They come into this world to parents who already have that knowledge inside them. You do not need to study for a degree of how to raise a disabled child, they do not come with a “How To” instruction manual – God is your instruction manual.

I thank God for a supportive husband, a caring and supportive family and for the amazing school He has placed Tryastan in. They are Christian based and have already made massive progress in Tryastan’s life.

Thank you God for all the people in our support system, and I pray that all parents out there with a disabled child or children draw on You for strength and that they realise what a blessing it is to have being given a special child to look after . Thank you Lord!

From Heidi 

Last week, the journal, Pediatrics, released new statistics compiled by the Center for Disease Control on the prevalence of autism.  The rate has gone from 1 in 150 to 1 in 100.  This rate is more than double the amount of children diagnosed with autism since 1996. Over the past dozen years, autism has made sad, steady progress from an obscure syndrome to a seemingly ubiquitous developmental disorder.

The mother of an 8 year old autistic boy who has severe peanut allergies has sued a special ed teacher who allegedly gave her son a peanut-filled candy bar in hopes of making him sick so that he wouldn't go on a field trip. The teacher allegedly told a classroom aide that the boy would likely misbehave on the trip and "maybe he could get sick enough not to attend and we won't have to deal with it." The mother said that her son, who is mostly non-verbal, gets hives and experiences swelling if he merely touches peanuts.

A classroom aide told school officials that the teacher treated the boy like a "caged animal" by keeping him for hours at a time in a cubicle that should have been used for short times alone. She was also accused of pinching the boy, standing on his foot so he could not move his leg, and grabbing him by the arm to drag him around the classroom. The school fied a report with Child Protective Services immediately upon hearing of the complaint and put the teacher on administrative leave.

Classroom aides also claimed the teacher hit a nine-year old girl with Down Syndrome on the lips in an attempt to make her pull her tongue back in. The teacher claimed it was a therapeutic technique.

In 2007, the same teacher was placed on administrative leave in another school district after a nurse told a child's mother that she saw the teacher force-feed her daughter, slap her and improperly restrain her. The teacher has denied all of the allegations.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services released a new study evaluating the number of children in the U.S. who currently have autism spectrum disorders. The prevalence of parent-reported diagnosis of ASD among children in the U.S. for 2007 showed that 1 in 91 children between the ages of 3 and 17 currently carry an ASD diagnosis.  For boys, the number was even higher--1 in 58 boys.

A Miami, Florida special needs teacher was convicted of abuse for putting hot sauce in an autistic student's doda to teach the boy a lesson after he grabbed the soda from her desk while she was with other students.