These are some of my favorite teaching tips for high-functioning autistic children.  I have used many of these with my son and they have worked great.

1.  If a child throws a book on the floor, avoid asking vague questions such as "why did you do that?"  Always be as concrete as possible when communicating with these children.  Instead of the vague question, tell the child, "I don't like it when you throw your book when it is time to do your homework. Next time, just tell me that you are angry."

2.  An increase in difficult behaviors is usually an indication of added stress. Stress is often caused by a feeling of loss of control. It is helpful to give the child an opportunity to remove himself from the stressful situation by allowing him to physically leave the room until he can regain control of his emotions.

3.  Don't take misbehavior personally. Autistic children are not trying to make your life difficult. Most of their bad or unusual behavior results from them trying to survive experiences that are confusing, disorienting, or frightening. Their autism makes them egocentric and they have great difficulty in reading the reactions of others.  They don't understand social cues or sarcasm and they ascribe a literal meaning to anything that is said.

4.  Prepare the child ahead of time for changes in routine and scheduling. If the child knows in advance that he will have a substitute teacher or the school will hold an assembly when he normally has math, he can deal with the change much better. More than anything, these children crave routine and sameness. They can become very upset when things change unexpectedly.  We used to tell our son that we were going to leave the park after he went down the slide two more times.  This helped prepare him to leave, instead of just telling him abruptly that it was time to go.

5.  Don't verbally spar with your child when he has homework to do. Once you are certain that he understands the assignment, tell him that you are leaving for 10 minutes to go into another room and that when you return, you expect him to be on the third problem.  You are removing his ability to delay doing the work by simply leaving him alone with his book and paper and no one to talk to or argue with.  I've also found it helpful to clear the work area of any distractions at all that could divert his attention to the task at hand.

I'll add more tips as time goes on.  Please try some of these and let me know if you have any success.

Do you know this woman?

She is an airline passenger who fails to take the flight attendant's advice concerning oxygen masks. Instead of putting on her own oxygen mask first as instructed, she tends to her small children traveling with her, making certain that they are safe. When she finally thinks to reach for her own oxygen mask, it is too late. She has saved her children like a good mother, but lost her own life. Now she is no help to anyone.

If you know the mother of an autistic child, you recognize this woman. It may be you.  It certainly is me. Too often I find myself with a single focus--making sure that my son's needs, which are many, are met. I may spend hours each evening just helping him with homework  (two hours of convincing and 15 minutes of actual work). This is in addition to working a full time job and being a wife and mother to two children. Some nights I don't even eat or sit down. My first break comes when I go to bed, always thinking about all of the things I haven't been able to complete that evening. 

I try to remind myself that if I am too exhausted to care for myself, then I'm not much good to my children either.  However, I continue to push myself, always thinking that I still have a moment or two left to reach for my own oxygen mask.

How many of you parents have ever been embarassed to take your autistic child out in public? Do you find yourself just staying at home because you never know if your child is going to have a meltdown when you try to do something as simple as going out to eat? 

Have you ever been on the receiving end of comments like these:  "Do you ever discipline your child?" "Can't you make your child sit down/be quiet/stop climbing on you/not talk so loudly/stop moving his body?" and my personal favorite, "It would only take me about ten minutes to get that kid under control." This summer while on vacation, my son was annoying a family sitting near us in a restaurant. The tables were very close together and I was doing my best to stop his annoying behavior. I turned around to apologize to the family.  Just as I was starting to explain that my son has an autism disorder, the man stopped me and said, "I don't give a s***!!"  He then asked to move his family as though he was afraid that his children might catch what mine had. As he got up, I said to him, "that's a great example you are setting for your family."

Parents of autistic children are not bad parents, nor are we in denial about our children. While our kids may look perfectly "normal" to you because they don't have a physical disability or a deformity that you can see, it doesn't mean that they are just "bad kids who need discipline." There are many times when I've wanted to say to someone who clearly found me to be an incompetent parent, "You must be some sort of autism expert, so please go ahead if you think you can do a better job." I know one mom who had business cards printed that she handed out when people stopped to stare at her child when he had a meltdown in a public place.  The cards said, "My child has autism. He is not just having a tantrum because I won't buy him something." Most people receiving these cards scurried off and didn't hang around to watch any longer.

Back to restaurants--they are a stimulating environment.  Waiters are walking around, dishes and pans are clanging, glasses are sometimes being dropped and broken, numerous tables of people are carrying on conversations and talking loudly or laughing.  Often there are tvs blaring that are turned to different channels or there is background music playing. Autistic kids don't do well when they are over-stimulated.  This doesn't mean that an autistic child can never sit in a restaurant without having a meltdown, but they are unlikely to be sitting still and quietly coloring pictures on their place mats. It also doesn't mean that parents of autistic children should never be able to go to a restaurant for a meal with their child.

We know that when we go out to eat that our children do not like flames, so we don't go to restaurants where the kitchen is visible to the seating area and the kids can see flames being used to cook. We already know that flames are going to upset them. Similarly, they don't like balloons because they are afraid the balloons will pop and while that noise may be mildly irritating to us (if we even notice it), it can sound like a grenade going off to an autistic child.

I'm often tempted to make an announcement when we enter a restaurant--something like, "Folks, we're here to have dinner. We just want to let you know up front that our kids have autism in case you want to leave. Please remember to tip your waiter if you decide to get your meal to go."

I don't set out to ruin anyone else's meal. I always remind my children that eating out is special and that they cannot disturb other people who are in the restaurant because they have spent money to have a relaxing time and to not have to cook. I also know that it is fairly likely that despite that warning that sometime during the meal, my kids may do something that annoys someone like kicking the back of their booth, talking too loudly, standing up in the booth, throwing something, or any number of annoying things. Still, I don't intend to be a prisoner in my own home and if the kids never go out in public, they will never learn the proper behavior and self-control. If my children are too disruptive, we leave. However, if the annoyance to others is minor, then I say, "pass the salt, please."

One in every 150 children born in the United States today will be diagnosed with some form of autism. That number has risen from one in every 166 births just two years ago. (based upon a study by the Centers for Disease Control) In Arkansas, where I live, that number is even more startling--one in every 145 children will be affected by autism.   

Every 20 minutes, a child is diagnosed with autism.

Eight out of 10 children diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder are boys. There seems to be no known reason while boys are affected so much more often than girls.

Sadly, marriages of couples parenting a child with an autism spectrum disorder are negatively affected.  Approximately 85% of those marriages end in divorce due to the strain (physical, emotional, and financial) of parenting these children.

Once you meet a family affected by autism, the strangest thing will happen. All of a sudden, you will begin hearing about autism everywhere you go, even though you may have never heard it mentioned before.  The person sitting next to you on a plane will start talking about it, a co-worker will mention that his or her child has an autism disorder, you'll hear it mentioned repeatedly on the news, and read about it in magazines and newspapers. Autism is everywhere and the chance that it will affect someone you know or care about is great. Please learn more about autism so that you can empathize and not criticize, so that you can offer help and comfort, not judgment and condemnation.

A Story by Donna Keyser

My son, Nick is somewhere between PDD and Aspergers. Nick has sensory issues that are always changing and never ending. At 12, he continues to suck his thumb when he feels insecure or threatened. School continues to be a nightmare for him as well as myself, and I am a special education teacher. Nick is a very bright child as both his dad and I know. Two of his teachers have also noted that he is a very intelligent young man. However, all of his teachers agree that he is not working up to his potential.

They have denied him the use of a Neoboard to aid in taking notes and completing assignments. Yet, if they feel his handwriting is not up to par, they make him re-write the assignment, which sends him into a tailspin, if you will. Any suggestions you might have would be much appreciated.

We do not have a diagnosis of Aspergers. We have been working from a diagnosis of ADHD. Yet, the doctor can't explain the sensory issues and the school district did not evaluate his ability to comprehend figurative language. I know that he has difficulty with figurative language because at 8 years old, I told him that his dad and I were taking the house back meaning we were going to regain control and he was going to listen to us and do as we asked, and in a very serious voice, he asked, "Where are you taking the house?"

As I said, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. 

Thanks,
Donna